|Dream, Disappear, and Fly ! source: gloveo.com|
"Dream big beta, and do whatever you love, because ultimately you're the one who's going to live your life, and no one else but you will suffer if their choices for you don't match with your own."
Huh. Here I sit, ten days away from board exams, and my mind still refuses to stand still. Torn between the urge to satisfy the well-wishers, and the impulses from the heart. It stays calm on the brink, unable to decide which side to step into. Frightened of taking risks, in want of peacefulness of the mind. And I suppose you mustn't have made head or tail of what I've said so far.
Hello there reader, I'm contemplating who you might be. Some random stranger from Russia, Europe or Australia (As far as my blogger statistics is concerned) who stumbled upon my blog and then left without a word? Or are you one of those kind strangers who leave behind a small message that makes my day? Or are you one of my friends who remembered out of the blue that I had a blog, and checked for a new post just in case (since they have nothing better to do anyway)?
In any case, I don't see how this random writing triggered from directionless musings will be of any use to you. I write all the same because the peace that I don't find in normalcy is well replaced by the relief that comes out of words. I wish I could call myself a logophile, but I'm afraid my vocab isn't comparable to one who is supposed to be a lover of words.
Let's get back to business; or in other words, the disruption of my calm. Dream. Yes I have a dream, not very well focused, but a dream all the same. Through the past two years I've been nurturing it, giving shape to it, and falling in love with it...only in the end to be told "Oh ho...that is your dream huh? You keep it aside for now, we'll think about it later okay? Now you keep studying what you are studying, never mind if you don't like it, because you are better than many others at it! And I know you will shine in it, I know you will!"
Well, to 'keep aside' is to me 'nurture it further more', only that it makes no sense to simply venture into something else when you know you have a path for your own. And the mind is once again in turmoil as to whether or not I must re-consider my ways.
And yet I know no one can ultimately form a barrier to my destiny, but isn't it naive to do something for the sake of it, because everyone else seems to be doing the same? Life is about taking risks, why wait till the fire within slowly burns out, when you can ignite the world with your spark right now?
If none of this still makes sense, I can only apologize, because to elaborate will be hurtful to some, and I can empathize with all the ones who are there to decide for me, and do not wish to hurt them.
Strangely enough, what I want right now is to disappear into the abyss of wilderness. I want to read every damn book I should've read in the past seventeen years. I want to live a thousand lives through these amazing narratives, and I want to write the millennia of thoughts brimming out of my vagabond mind. I want to be lost in the sea of smiles from the past, and I want to build myself for tomorrow. I want to just be with myself, and and be let free to be. Yeah, I want to go to that land where time does not exist.
Sigh. Its okay, I know. I know that my frustrations are trivial. I know that you have them in your life too, whether you're someone from the other part of the Earth from a different time zone, or someone from my own batch in school with more or less the same situation. That's what makes us one and the same isn't it? All the trauma that makes us question life, and all the love that answers the meaning of existence.
Well then, let me step back into the world of normalcy, where you work, eat and sleep everyday, and occasionally steal some pleasures. And you do the same too. But do stop once in a while, and let your mind wander. As for me, I'm gonna put on my invisibility cloak and disappear into Narnia. I would return after years of magic, but to you the same time would be but a blink of the eye.
Let your mind discover the hidden depths within you, and then you too can join me :)