Diffidence

Source: Skolsida

Dear diffidence,

Why won't you let go?

You put my efforts in vain,

Pull me down to the floor,

You drive me insane

Shutting every other door.

You put to death my ideas,

My beliefs and my dreams.

You befriend my fears,

My inhibitions, my shame.

Much have I trudged

from mere nothing to the now.

Yet you toss my proud feats

To luck and nothing less.

You delight in my fall,

And my stagnant progress.

You rejoice my drop

And pin down my will.

You make me walk circles;

Always back to level one.

My accomplishments thus

Being but little to none.

Why keep pushing the boulder

that refuses to budge?

Why wait for a day

that is sure never to come?

Yes, you've engulfed me.

You've plagued my very being. 

All I wish is to starve you;

To extinguish your feed - 

Every suppressed opinion,

Every pause, every backspace,

Every second and third thought,

Every conviction of 'cannot'.

You convince me I am wrong

That there's nowhere I belong.
That I'm an epitome of error;
An imprudent weakling,

That my home is my cocoon,
And that is where I'm to hide,

Embracing failure 

Once and for all.

Yet I survive,
Clinging to nothing but hope;
It, being the only ally to help me cope.

I've fallen prey to you

Much as I tried not to.
But know this you must,
That the battle still remains.
That though you win today,
Someday I'll prove you wrong.
And though I can't today,
I'll find where I belong.

Until then I stay hidden
Far from the blinding light.

Dear diffidence,
When will you let go?
I can hardly live any more.

...

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”- Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes we don't need others to make us feel inferior, our very own diffidence will do the job. Have you been there? That place of make-believe where people around you think greatly of you but only you know better? For you, it isn't just a belief. It is the truth. You look around and find a crowd that seems to set the bar too high. You are not like them. You are not one among them. And the thought lingers in the mind and weighs you down with time. But there is always that tinge of self-esteem inside you that will help you keep going even when diffidence gets the better of you. Although, to snap out of it, what every one of us would crave for is recognition. When we fail to get recognition we begin to wonder if our efforts are worth anything at all. 

Let's hope to keep diffidence at bay. Cheers to our self-esteem, who we are, and all that we believe in.

..

Linking to #FridayReflections