When Your Plans Don't Work Out

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"What do you really want to do in life?"

I raised my eyebrows. It wasn’t an uncommon question, especially to a teenager who is in the most confused phase of her life. Here it was again, on a normal afternoon and in the middle of a casual conversation; the dreaded question. You think of dodging it by simply giving away an answer, but to some of them, it’s never enough.

 "I told you. I want to be a writer."

"That's not what I meant." He continued, "Say, what are you going to write about? What are you going to do with your writing? What is it that you want to do with your life before you die?"

Choices

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"Are you sure?" He asked the six-year-old. Here it was again, the crossroad of choices. The tiny mind was plagued with the fear of picking the wrong choice. She looked up at her mom desperately for hints, as if answering this question depended on life itself.

To her relief, mom nodded encouragingly. It was one of those lucky times when there was someone else by her side to give the green signal. Having gotten the approval, she turned to the salesman holding up the cute pink dress from across the counter. "Yes I'm sure." she chirped confidently.

Blank.

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An eery silence is floating in the exam hall. There's the mild ruffle of answer sheets and the sound of scratching pens cutting the quiet in the room. My gel pen slips through my sweaty fingers, landing noisily on the floor. It takes forever for me to retrieve it from beneath the bench.

It's not over yet. I still have enough time to finish, right? Right?!

"Five minutes." the invigilator cries. Panic wells up inside me. I read the last question. I know this. That complicated concept I'd learned so well. I can do this.

Some Things Dreamy

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A laptop, earphones, books, and pens. Strewn across the bed were these and a nineteen-year-old mess dozing over them. A typical day during college. My roommate is typing away frantically in her phone as if she were fixing third world problems. It's past midnight, so she decides to take a break and clean up my bed for me (what did I do to deserve her!).

Partly awake, this nineteen-year-old mess gets up to help as well. I'm only five minutes away from flopping back into a sound sleep when the phone rings. Unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Is this Dashy?"

Deep male voice. Aww man, was there some urgent club work at this hour?

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. So I was just going through your blog and wanted to tell you that I really like it."

Silence. Wait, what?

The Dark Place

The rhythmic beats of the autorickshaw cut through the noisy wind. He stood at the door watching the brown leaves litter the tiled courtyard. I sat at the settee watching his smooth silver hair fluttering in the breeze.

He was exceptionally quiet this day. His wrist-watch wore a green strap, the same one he had worn earlier to the city. Strange. He was the kind who'd change watches the way we changed clothes - one for the weddings/parties, one for the casual outings, one for home wear, one for the nights, and so on. What was stranger was how his otherwise packed schedule seemed to include ample time for mulling and staring aimlessly at the courtyard.

Diffidence

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Dear diffidence,

Why won't you let go?

You put my efforts in vain,

Pull me down to the floor,

You drive me insane

Shutting every other door.

You put to death my ideas,

My beliefs and my dreams.

You befriend my fears,

My inhibitions, my shame.

The Double Surprise

August 7, 2017
11:55 pm

Five minutes to midnight. No whispers or murmurs outside the door. My roommate is staring at her laptop screen, disregarding my presence. So they weren't gonna burst into my room with a cake? I scroll through whatsapp idly, trying to act cool although my mind is racing through all the possibilities of what may or may not happen.

The Monster

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Rage has failed me.

Hope has left hold.

No place to run away to,

No person to be told.

You leave us but one choice

To carry fear in our minds.

To fear the daylight and the dark,

The empty streets and the crowds,

Every gaze and every footstep,

Every solitary walk.

Your Sunshine

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Poof!
She'd stepped back into her room. There it was, the constant reminder of all the things undone.

The world to her was a buzzing workhouse of intimidating prodigies, wherein she sat watching her confidence slowly ebb away. The seconds on the clock ticked away in mockery of the increasing amount of time she idled by. Obligations and responsibilities came thrashing down her back one after the other, boring a hole right into the ground she so firmly held on to until now, burying herself deep into a pit she believed to never be able to escape from.