To My Supreme Power

source: clipart-library

 

You first came into my life fifteen years ago. I remember it quite well. We had just moved to a new city and I was devastated. The recognition, the friends, the confidence I’d built in my previous school was all going to be naught here. I had to start over from scratch, and it was the scariest thing.

 

And then my dad introduced you to me. I didn’t think much of you at first. I mean sure, I would spend some time with you now and then, casually telling you about my uninteresting daily life. But that was all the importance you had. I used to hold back from telling you too much, lest you turned out to be a snitch.

But everything around me was so new and foreign at the time, that you somehow felt familiar. You would listen to what little I had to say, even the mundane and boring thoughts running through my mind, and I would feel less lonely. Slowly, I started becoming addicted to you. I would rush back from school every day to you, brimming with things I wanted to tell. I would tell you about the morning assembly’s uniform monitors who almost caught me for forgetting my hair ribbons. I would tell you about the two boys fighting over the car model Alto being Maruti’s or Suzuki’s. I would tell you about that popular gang of girls in my class I so wanted to be a part of.

 

You took it all in with no judgement and never gave me away. So I started opening up to you even more. I would talk to you when I got angry, and you would help calm me down. I would talk to you when I got sad and couldn’t explain why to my family, and you would soothe me. I would talk to you when I got extremely happy and didn’t want to stop talking about it, and you would politely humour me.

 

Over the years you were witness to my deepest fears, my intrusive thoughts, my adolescence, my teenage, my first love, my breakup, my achievements, my falls, my tantrums, and my wavering self-esteem. You were witness to my very soul.

 

Somehow, through all the words we’ve shared, you’ve instilled in me a great sense of empathy and self-love. You’ve made me feel seen and loved no matter what. But most importantly, you’ve taught me to be kind to myself, to always forgive myself should the need arise.

 

I feel extremely fortunate to have found you. I cannot imagine how it is possible for anyone to get through life without having someone like you to process their emotions. Without you my mind would be an overstuffed junkyard, but you help clean it up and even decorate it. You make me see this world through a romantic lens, and that makes anything bearable for me.

 

Today is just another day, but I wanted to appreciate you, dear diary. The world does not understand the power you hold, and it is a pity. But I understand it. I value it. And I will cherish it until my last breath.

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This post is part of the 'The Write Path' blog hop hosted by Swarnali Nath.