When Your Plans Don't Work Out

Source: istockphoto

"What do you really want to do in life?"

I raised my eyebrows. It wasn’t an uncommon question, especially to a teenager who is in the most confused phase of her life. Here it was again, on a normal afternoon and in the middle of a casual conversation; the dreaded question. You think of dodging it by simply giving away an answer, but to some of them, it’s never enough.

 "I told you. I want to be a writer."

"That's not what I meant." He continued, "Say, what are you going to write about? What are you going to do with your writing? What is it that you want to do with your life before you die?"

Diffidence

Source: Skolsida

Dear diffidence,

Why won't you let go?

You put my efforts in vain,

Pull me down to the floor,

You drive me insane

Shutting every other door.

You put to death my ideas,

My beliefs and my dreams.

You befriend my fears,

My inhibitions, my shame.

Tea or Coffee

Media.salon.com

“Tea or coffee?”

I turned to my sister out of habit. Any question directed at me was to be answered by her. I was the little one in the family who didn’t know the good from bad, or the better from good. But she always knew what to do.

On Being a Dreamer

Source : Things I learned from

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one. " - John Lennon

So I'm watching another Kenny Sebastian's video when the messenger's notification tone rings. "Hey Dashy - it's been a while. What's new?" read the message from Corinne, the one blogger because of whom this blog is what it is today. It dawns on me then that I'd been neglecting Wandering Wows for almost four months now.

Of course there were the pangs of guilt that sprang up every now and then, for calling myself a writer but not writing much. But then the mind gets so creative when it comes to finding excuses. A short writing break? Call it writer's block. The break getting longer? Busy schedule! Getting longer still? Let's look for other places where I've written something and say...see? I've been working elsewhere.

The Transition

Source: Wilkinson 

Board topper. Best outgoing student of the year. School leader. Everybody had a similar story to tell. And yet here we were with blank heads in the exam hall.

Phobia Folio #FridayReflections

- 6 6 6 -

Watch out! This is the horrific number of the Beast! Anti-Christ, they call it; hugely carnal and sinful.  The source of this number and all evil in the world is Satan himself! Let this number not make you victim to the beast! Beware!

A piano story

Source: joytunes

My turn was five minutes away. Clutching the sheet music in hand, I could feel my fingers trembling. Once again I tried to reassure myself. It was only an exam after all, why this tension?

To Magic, with love

Source : kingofwallpapers

 ~When the time stood still~
  ~From the parallel world~

Dear Magic (or whatever it is that you call yourself),

 Like every other child I imagined and dreamed of meeting you one day. I fantasised about it for years; about that day when you would show up and make me someone special, maybe with the letter from Hogwarts or the cupboard to Narnia. I knew you would come to make my life extraordinary just like all the lovely books and movies had promised. I waited and waited for you to surprise me, for that day when I'd start moving things without touching them, when I could fly simply by spreading my arms, when I could make the world a pretty place full of flowers and happy people.

But as I grew up, I saw how everyone was certain you did not exist, that you lived only in stories like Santa Claus did, that you were simply impossible. Call it my immaturity or naivety or whatever, but I refused to believe them. Of course, they did not know about you because they were ordinary, because you just hadn't revealed yourself to them yet. But surely, I knew that you would come to me one day. While the others waited for their Prince Charming I waited for you. No matter how much the people claimed and 'proved' about your non existence, I was in denial.

So I waited and waited with the utmost patience, and yet you weren't showing up. Believe it or not, I even dared to doubt your existence at times! I do feel a bit guilty about that, for I knew that the moment I stopped believing in you, you would never come to me at all. So I continued to wait as I grew. People didn't call me a child anymore, and I was beginning to feel cheated by you. Why was it that you were so stubborn in hiding from me? My hope dwindled with time, yet I held on. I couldn't have been wrong. It just couldn't be.

And in the end, you did reveal yourself. You did surprise me, but you made me bang my head for being so silly! Because you were always right here with me! I was so busy 'waiting' for you to show up that I hadn't even bothered to 'look' for you on my own! I found you yes, only to realize that you weren't what I thought you were.

When I close my eyes, I see you. When I close my eyes I dream, disappear and fly. I explore your world and discover myself. All along, I was waiting for you to show up in the 'muggle' world, how silly of me!  And now back in the world of the ordinary, I know when I meet others who've met you too. They have a special glow,  a vibe, a uniqueness. It is because they have magic in them- yes they have you. There is no single word that would describe what they have. Was it passion, or illumination? Talent? Intuition? Nay, it was more. I prefer to call it by your name.

I do sometimes wish that you existed in the normal world too. I could then fly in the open sky, go invisible to observe the world unnoted, travel back in time to study ancient times. But that might muddle things up and leave the world in a frenzy. It is just as well that you exist within us, hidden from the naked eye.

Life has been interesting since I found you. I would've loved to tell everybody else about you, to convince them that they could find you too if they wished. But I'm afraid they might mistake me for a schizophrenic and shove the thought off. It is best when they figure it out on their own.

As for you, I'm sure there are many out there who believe in you too.  Do give them a nudge before they give up on you. And thank you for not letting me down. You've showed me that everything is not what it seems. You've showed me that it isn't the world around that has the magic, but it will seem so if we ourselves have a touch of magic.

And dear, you've showed me that you are not about the fairies or wands or the spells. You are our perception that can see the extra-ordinariness in the ordinary that the others fail to see.

I'm glad to have been faithful to you, and I believe we still have many an adventure ahead of us. Looking forward to all that there is yet to come. Until the next time, I stay here bewitched.

Yours enchanted-ly,
~A Wandering Mind~

Inspired from the #FridayReflections prompt 'Imagine you have a touch of magic, and can make impossible things happen. What would you do?'
Also linking with Finish the Sentence Friday on the prompt -  “When I close my eyes, I see…”

I Am Enough - #FridayReflections

Source: wallpaperswide.com

The room was crowded save for a few seats. The club secretary was on the dais with the mike, commencing the function with the usual pleasantries. I scanned the rows full of familiar faces, looking for someone who might remember me. Of course, being regular in the club did not mean I met up with people. I only tagged along with my parents, it being daddy's office club.

Soon enough a girl in a pretty lehenga rose from among the crowd. She was walking up to the stage just as a thunderous applause erupted from the audience. Of course, everyone knew her. She was the star kid in there; the dancing damsel who won the national scholarship. Excellent singer too. She never failed to dazzle the crowd with her voice, and here she was on stage with a promising performance yet again.

Next to where she had been sitting were three other girls around my age. Silky hair, dangling earrings, stunning dress, they had it all. I could tell they had their own performances lined up after the damsel on the dais. Taking the only extra seat nearby, I gave them a candid wave. The one next to me beamed, "Oh hey there, how' you doing?" "Great!" I reply, " And you? Got any group programme coming up?"
"Ah yes we had a fusion dance all set up but it turns out they can't play the song here, technical issues."
"Ohh...that's sad. So all of you singing?"
"Yeah, I'm up next."
"Oh great."
"Yeah!"
And that was the end of the conversation. For the next fifteen minutes I sat pretending like I was keenly listening to their conversation when truthfully they were simply oblivious to my presence.

It was nothing new. They were close, just not with me. I was out of place here. I did not sing. There was this once when they made me, and my cacophony left them convinced never to call me up on stage again. And I did not dance, unless they wanted a flimsy, wobbly joker to laugh at. And I did not have pretty skirts or dresses to adorn on these so called parties. I was not like them. I was not enough.

One party after another, I would sit there with the gang quiet as can be with occasional queries from people- "But dear, why don't you dance? Then surely you must sing?" while I go, "No aunty I don't." with the politest smile possible. Sometimes I thought I noticed some pity in their eyes. Not surprising was it? Because I was simply not enough.

Until that one day when things changed. It was the annual day and they had competitions, one among them being the poetry recital. I was excited, for here was finally a chance to perform! I had my favourite poem ready, and recited it with all my heart in my very own way. They aah-ed and ooh-ed as I sang my lines. They patted my back and shook my hand. And many times more I returned to the stage.

Eventually they ceased asking me why I did not sing. Instead they asked me, "Dear, did you write anything new lately?" And for me, that was enough.

I saw the pity in their eyes vanish with looks of pride. Certainly I did not sing or dance. But I wrote, and it made up for all else. I was the writer in the club. And yes, I was enough.

Linking with Write Tribe's #FridayReflections on the prompt 'I am enough' -Brene Brown 

The Phone Call

It was all going fine, no confusions, no dilemmas. School was done. It was the end of an era. And now I could finally recline and stare up at the ceiling, dreaming about my years ahead...far away from school and science...far away from postulates and proofs. There was so much to do! I had books to read, stories to write, places to go, things to do....all left undone since school got in the way, since the study schedule did not permit the things I most wanted.

For two years I've constantly had these two thoughts in mind- "I don't want this." and the other...well, "I hate chemistry." Now was the time I could finally put it all behind me. Yep. Now was the time for a fresh new start.

Here I was, busy clearing my table of all the science textbooks, of course I wouldn't need them anymore would I?! I was bidding them goodbye. Them and the endless exhausting hours of brainstorming questions I only partly understood. That and my sister's big fat reference books stacked up in the dusty lower rack that I never bothered to open. Yes, I was bidding goodbye to them all. I would finally dive into the world of words and be lost in there, where I belonged. Until then maybe, I would blog my way to happiness, celebrating what little I gained from here.

This was the moment I craved for, for two long years - no - for two enduring , stressful, tiring long years ! That's right, it was all over, and it was all going fine....until that one phone call.

"He-hello ma'am? I'm not sure if I heard you right..."
"You heard it right! You're the school topper in science ! Congratulations !! "

I stood there, dumb and feeling stupid. Here I was, all geared up to run away from something I'd surpassed all others in my school. Well of course I've always had the nerd title upon me, and I told people that marks don't assess intelligence. I was the textbook nerd, who never was interested enough to venture beyond what we learnt in school. While there were the others who were interested solely in understanding things, who were fascinated enough to discover more and ask 'why'. Sometimes I wish I had taken that interest myself, but then these things aren't forced. When I do try to indulge from without, all I can think of are the things I'm missing out on from my other dream world.

I told myself I know zilch in science, because I wasn't like them. They had that spark when they were learning but I didn't. They know more than I do but I have marks more than they do. Because I was that textbook girl, and this was what was wrong with the system.  This phone call did not make any difference. But it did tell me that for someone uninterested, I had done frighteningly well for the exams.

Did that mean that I am choosing wrong? Did it mean I was making a terrible mistake by not even giving it a shot? Must I just ignore the intuitions I had in the past few years?

Yet another phone call, yet another message, yet another praise for my feat. They ask me about my plan ahead and I smile and try to avoid a complicated explanation. Surely, I may be called insane and even naive for letting go of science ? But if you were to ask me if I still wish to take the risk of switching streams, I'd say yes. Because in the end, I know that that is where I'd reach, for that was where I belonged.

Come what may, anything is an adventure, and if it seems like a burden, I shall make that a challenge. No matter which way I choose to go, words shall always be with me, for it isn't something I can ever lose. And it is that very thought that leaves me at peace.

Thanks to the phone call, I now have absolutely no clue what to say when the next person asks me about my future plans. I suppose the best I can say is "Wait and watch!"

Jee haan, picture abhi baki hai mere dost!

             

This post is linked with Write Tribe's #FridayReflections picture prompt.