Monday, 19 August 2019

In the name of happiness

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Dear happiness,

Back when we were kids, we didn't think much about you. You were around most of the time, so we took you for granted. It was during teenage that you started playing peekaboo. We were only beginning to meet your counterparts. The blood-boiling rage, the envy, the clouds of frustration, the yearning, and the blend of it all that we couldn't put a name to. We did manage to hunt you down in the midst of the mess. It was still possible. But now I'm twenty-one, and you've conveniently settled in a land I am unable to step on.

It was easier to get hold of you back then. All we needed to do was exist and we found you around in plenty. Maybe we were born with a bit of you in our blood and it ran out as we grew up. For we'd begun losing you during our teens. Thankfully, you were still around. In friendship and puppy love, dreams and aspirations, nonchalance, and our last bit of innocence. You were within our arm's reach. Always around the corner. And so, we were yet to appreciate you enough.

But over time, you'd become costlier. You seemed to be repelled by the newcomer. This reality. You weren't easily found with friendship anymore. Dreams were tied down by uncertainty. Innocence had vanished. This new phase wiped you out completely from our lives. We craved for your return.

We managed to find solace in the people who'd won you back. But then, there were also many who didn't. And soon enough, we were torn with the dilemma of which group we might fall into.

You make cavities inside of us, brimming with dark smoke in your absence. An opportunist, you are. For when in dire need, you choose to be demanding. With a relationship, you ask for trust. With a job you want validation. With money, you need good health. Always something more to what we seemed to have. And we continue to chase these coppers without which you deprive us of you.

And sometimes in the middle of the chase, we tend to forget why we began. We tend to forget the whole point of you. Because even when we manage to get the coppers that you demand, you evade us still. Somehow you seem to want more. Or is it us wanting more of you? All we know is that you and we continue to stay apart. What an addiction you are to humanity.

We're still playing chase when one night you decide to reveal yourself. One ordinary night when you lift the veil and laugh mockingly at us. At the foolishness of how we overlooked your presence right beside us. It takes a while to understand it. But at some point we do; that you do not cost as much as we had believed.

We realized, that sometimes you ask for the simplest of things. Like acceptance. Of who we are and what life has given us. Like love. For ourselves and all the ones deserving. Like passion. To live and to do what we want to do. Like gratitude. For all the goodness we've gotten thus far. And plenty of other things we are yet to discover. After all, we are but a young face to this very old world.

We're learning, you know? However much we can. Because you still matter to every one of us alive. I would ask you to stay but I know I don't need to. I know now where to find you. I know now that for us to stay together it is a choice of mine too.

And I shall choose well.

Until then, I hope you don't get lost in the growing darkness in this world.

The wandering mind.

Linking with #MondayMusings

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