I Am Enough - #FridayReflections

Source: wallpaperswide.com

The room was crowded save for a few seats. The club secretary was on the dais with the mike, commencing the function with the usual pleasantries. I scanned the rows full of familiar faces, looking for someone who might remember me. Of course, being regular in the club did not mean I met up with people. I only tagged along with my parents, it being daddy's office club.

Soon enough a girl in a pretty lehenga rose from among the crowd. She was walking up to the stage just as a thunderous applause erupted from the audience. Of course, everyone knew her. She was the star kid in there; the dancing damsel who won the national scholarship. Excellent singer too. She never failed to dazzle the crowd with her voice, and here she was on stage with a promising performance yet again.

Next to where she had been sitting were three other girls around my age. Silky hair, dangling earrings, stunning dress, they had it all. I could tell they had their own performances lined up after the damsel on the dais. Taking the only extra seat nearby, I gave them a candid wave. The one next to me beamed, "Oh hey there, how' you doing?" "Great!" I reply, " And you? Got any group programme coming up?"
"Ah yes we had a fusion dance all set up but it turns out they can't play the song here, technical issues."
"Ohh...that's sad. So all of you singing?"
"Yeah, I'm up next."
"Oh great."
"Yeah!"
And that was the end of the conversation. For the next fifteen minutes I sat pretending like I was keenly listening to their conversation when truthfully they were simply oblivious to my presence.

It was nothing new. They were close, just not with me. I was out of place here. I did not sing. There was this once when they made me, and my cacophony left them convinced never to call me up on stage again. And I did not dance, unless they wanted a flimsy, wobbly joker to laugh at. And I did not have pretty skirts or dresses to adorn on these so called parties. I was not like them. I was not enough.

One party after another, I would sit there with the gang quiet as can be with occasional queries from people- "But dear, why don't you dance? Then surely you must sing?" while I go, "No aunty I don't." with the politest smile possible. Sometimes I thought I noticed some pity in their eyes. Not surprising was it? Because I was simply not enough.

Until that one day when things changed. It was the annual day and they had competitions, one among them being the poetry recital. I was excited, for here was finally a chance to perform! I had my favourite poem ready, and recited it with all my heart in my very own way. They aah-ed and ooh-ed as I sang my lines. They patted my back and shook my hand. And many times more I returned to the stage.

Eventually they ceased asking me why I did not sing. Instead they asked me, "Dear, did you write anything new lately?" And for me, that was enough.

I saw the pity in their eyes vanish with looks of pride. Certainly I did not sing or dance. But I wrote, and it made up for all else. I was the writer in the club. And yes, I was enough.

Linking with Write Tribe's #FridayReflections on the prompt 'I am enough' -Brene Brown 

The Phone Call

It was all going fine, no confusions, no dilemmas. School was done. It was the end of an era. And now I could finally recline and stare up at the ceiling, dreaming about my years ahead...far away from school and science...far away from postulates and proofs. There was so much to do! I had books to read, stories to write, places to go, things to do....all left undone since school got in the way, since the study schedule did not permit the things I most wanted.

For two years I've constantly had these two thoughts in mind- "I don't want this." and the other...well, "I hate chemistry." Now was the time I could finally put it all behind me. Yep. Now was the time for a fresh new start.

Here I was, busy clearing my table of all the science textbooks, of course I wouldn't need them anymore would I?! I was bidding them goodbye. Them and the endless exhausting hours of brainstorming questions I only partly understood. That and my sister's big fat reference books stacked up in the dusty lower rack that I never bothered to open. Yes, I was bidding goodbye to them all. I would finally dive into the world of words and be lost in there, where I belonged. Until then maybe, I would blog my way to happiness, celebrating what little I gained from here.

This was the moment I craved for, for two long years - no - for two enduring , stressful, tiring long years ! That's right, it was all over, and it was all going fine....until that one phone call.

"He-hello ma'am? I'm not sure if I heard you right..."
"You heard it right! You're the school topper in science ! Congratulations !! "

I stood there, dumb and feeling stupid. Here I was, all geared up to run away from something I'd surpassed all others in my school. Well of course I've always had the nerd title upon me, and I told people that marks don't assess intelligence. I was the textbook nerd, who never was interested enough to venture beyond what we learnt in school. While there were the others who were interested solely in understanding things, who were fascinated enough to discover more and ask 'why'. Sometimes I wish I had taken that interest myself, but then these things aren't forced. When I do try to indulge from without, all I can think of are the things I'm missing out on from my other dream world.

I told myself I know zilch in science, because I wasn't like them. They had that spark when they were learning but I didn't. They know more than I do but I have marks more than they do. Because I was that textbook girl, and this was what was wrong with the system.  This phone call did not make any difference. But it did tell me that for someone uninterested, I had done frighteningly well for the exams.

Did that mean that I am choosing wrong? Did it mean I was making a terrible mistake by not even giving it a shot? Must I just ignore the intuitions I had in the past few years?

Yet another phone call, yet another message, yet another praise for my feat. They ask me about my plan ahead and I smile and try to avoid a complicated explanation. Surely, I may be called insane and even naive for letting go of science ? But if you were to ask me if I still wish to take the risk of switching streams, I'd say yes. Because in the end, I know that that is where I'd reach, for that was where I belonged.

Come what may, anything is an adventure, and if it seems like a burden, I shall make that a challenge. No matter which way I choose to go, words shall always be with me, for it isn't something I can ever lose. And it is that very thought that leaves me at peace.

Thanks to the phone call, I now have absolutely no clue what to say when the next person asks me about my future plans. I suppose the best I can say is "Wait and watch!"

Jee haan, picture abhi baki hai mere dost!

             

This post is linked with Write Tribe's #FridayReflections picture prompt.

Standing out

She stood by her bedroom window, peeking out at the little crowd outside. There were the kids in the neighborhood who hung out everyday. But she wasn't looking for them. She was looking for her, that new girl who'd moved in. She probably didn't know anyone in here. Would she go out to join them?

Too many tree leaves blocked her view from the window; she could only hear their loud laughter. Swivelling from where she stood, she caught a glimpse of long curly hair. No. That couldn't be. The curly haired head turned sideways to reveal a cheerful face. Her face. So the new girl joined them. And made friends with them, and now laughed with them too. Something she was unable to do despite living in the same neighborhood for the past three years.

How did she do that? That girl's been here for barely 2 days! She looked on from the window, feeling hopelessly left out of all the fun. It wasn't like she never tried. She did go out when she first moved to the place. She did play a little with them, but she still wasn't considered to be in the group. That was okay, because she was new to the place. She assumed time would patch things up. Only that it didn't.

She stopped going out and stayed indoors with her books. Who needed outdoor friends when she could sit home reading lovely books! And so life was good for a long time. Until she showed up, Miss Curly hair. She was her same age, and in her same school. But obviously not the same as her, because Miss Curly could joke with them, while she couldn't. Miss Curly could go out and not worry about feeling lonely, but she couldn't.

That was it. She decided to stop pitying herself. Donning on her shoes, she swaggered her way to the group, looked straight at Miss Curly and said "Hi. We haven't met have we?" She expected an awkward silence; the rest of the group to give a blank stare. But none of it happened. "No we haven't" replied Miss Curly pleasantly, "Hi!"

Slowly, she blended in. People came and asked her where she had been in the past few years and she answered them patiently. She went out with them now, and played with them too. In two years she and Curly had become very close friends. But something was still amiss. She still wasn't in the group. She still felt left out.

With time, she stopped going out once again, back to square one. She had stuff to do indoors, and no time to idle about for hours with the group. They called her the nerd who studied all the time. They claimed the poor girl was confined to her home. But she wasn't. She'd just stopped forcing herself to change her ways to fit in.

Each time she'd returned from the group, there was this uncomfortable hollowness. But every time she chose to stay home with all that was dear to her, she felt fulfilled. It was only a matter of what she chose to do.

She decided to embrace the introvert that she was. It didn't matter if she wasn't like everybody else. She'd accepted who she was, and had fallen in love with it too. And that was all that mattered.

Have you made your bucket list?

This little guy came to me as a birthday gift. My froggy bank.
"Stash all your secrets in it." he'd said when giving it to me.
 Well, I had my diary for that. I knew what to do with this little froggy; it was going to hold my secret wish list. So that every day when I wake up and find its cute 'V'-smile and those rosey cheeks, I'm reminded of all the things that are left to be done.

Remember the time when we were kids and we told people how we'd grow up and make the world a better place? And then we grew up and discovered that it wasn't as easy as it seems. And remember when we grew into a teen later and dreamt of having all the fun we could possibly have in our lifetime? And then...oh well...I'm not sure about what follows next because I'm presently in the same phase.

Surely, we've all had those round table discussions with our buddies about our bucket lists. All the travel destinations from Louvre Palace to Machu Pichu...all those adventures from sky diving to snorkelling...all those people to meet from our favourite author to the favourite band...and all the things to do from getting a tattoo to running a marathon or writing a book...

Every now and then I'd tell my froggy bank of my new found wishes. And then one day someone asked if I'd ever done any of it yet. I began having a flashback of all the good times of the past. I was beginning to say I did, and that's when I realized something.  That I'd done and gotten much more than what I'd imagined.

This list that I continue to make is all about what I long for; what I might do much later in life. It could simply be a bundle of fantasies I crave for and will laugh at and sigh in the future. Because it tells of all that hasn't happened so far, and all that needs to be done. But what it did not tell, was about all the things that has already happened, the things I haven't wished for.

That's when I noticed that even though plenty more was left to be done, life had its way of surprising us with things we never dreamed of. And when we're busy in pursuit of our secret wish list, we may not value enough the pleasures and surprises showered upon us on the way. If only we look at all that we've had so far filtering off the worries, we'd notice how extraordinary our lives have been.

As I sat there with a piece of paper to jot down yet another spontaneous wish that came across my mind, I was reminded of all the adventures that I'd had so far.

What are our lives without our wish lists? To have a dream is what keeps us going. Else, it is a mere survival, and to live, survival does not suffice. Now as the piece of paper gave me a 'blank' stare, I knew what to write. Enough of junketing around with wild ideas. I'd missed out something more important - to pay back the ones who've mentored us. My happiness, I owed to them. And to give them a dream-come-true experience for themselves, was going to be another one of my wishes.

 Remember the time when we were kids and we were going to make the world a better place? Maybe it isn't so hard after all, as long as our world is but the circle of well wishers we cannot live without. Because these gestures of love are enough to make it a better world.

So have you made your bucket list yet? If you haven't, do so right away. And when you embark on your journey ahead, do remember to look out for the surprises life bestows upon you, and also to plant smiles on the faces of your loved ones on the way.

A Solitary Euphoria

A Solitary Euphoria ; source: comments20.com

“Don’t open the door if it’s someone unfamiliar.”

“Okay mom.”

“Keep the balcony closed. And chain the door too, and in case someone does-“

“-I’ll be fine ma! “

“Okay okay, lock the door. Bye. Call if you need something okay?”

“Yeah okay, bye.”

FYI, my mom isn’t going away to England, she’ll be back by evening. And no, this isn’t my first home-alone time. But then, moms will be moms. Shaking my head, I went back to my study. I stood there staring at my textbook and it stared right back at me. My eyes slowly risked a glance to my bed, and then darted back to my book, lest it found out my thought process.

Walking casually back to my table, as if I were only going to sit and spend the rest of the day with it, I halted yet again.

Should I?

I’m with you.

Owkiie-dokie. So I bid temporary goodbye to my books, grabbed my phone and hopped on to my bed.

You do know that you’ll stay glued to your phone for at least half an hour, don’t you?

And you do know that there’s nothing you can do about it don’t you?

You should clean your bed.

In a Half-hour, please?

Fine.Half-hour.

And so, I went through my routine cycle from FB to Quora to my favourite blogs and back to FB, followed by one or two Ellen DeGeneres interviews, AIB and a couple of music videos.  When I finally wasted away a good deal of my time, I got up, all rejuvenated for the cleaning.

Shall we?

Oh yes we shall.

Music up, blinds down, vibes on….here we go! A large fevicol bottle in one hand (my mike), and the other holding dad’s pants (part of the cleaning process), I danced my way to the living room and back, singing all along. And then reluctantly putting the mike away I resumed dancing with the clothes, making a fold with each beat, and then swinging my way to the closet to keep them in stack.

Naa naa naa naa naa….everybody wanna steal my girl….

Naa naa naa naa naa…..everybody wanna take her heart away….

And before I knew it, the bed bore nothing but my five pillows and a neatly folded blanket. But why should that stop me from the music?

Naa naa naan aa….oh yeah!

I naa-naa’ed my heart out till I ended up flat on the floor. Sigh, so long since I sang out loud…so long since I danced like mad…so long since I got to be with myself! I stay hidden you know, in the inside, and don’t show up unless there’s no one else around.

Then I talk with myself so much, ‘cause not another soul can understand me like I do, I laugh and dream so much, ‘cause not another soul can relate to it all like I do, I smile and do whatever that comes to mind, ‘cause not another soul can know why, like I do.

Presently… my mind turned to its favourite hobby…wandering…

Hey, remember that cute guy from that movie ?

Oh yeah, gawd those eyes…I could just look at them forever!

And there, I rushed over to my laptop to get a glimpse of that heartthrob, and soon found myself playing and replaying his movie.  Uff, that killing look! I reclined on my chair lost in la la land….slowly letting my thoughts to drift over to my crush, and feeling insanely happy to think of him. Then I got up once again slamming the laptop shut, and I ran around the house like a free bird, the way Ranbir Kapoor did in Tamasha. And then I sat down on the floor again, hugging my knees, with a stupid grin on the face.

Aah, such bliss!

I love being with you!

I know right?!

 I wonder if everyone talks to their other side, like I do with you.

 I don’t know, just the mere idea of talking to you seemed absurd to my friends.

Like I said, not another soul can understand this euphoria of mine. They’d call it split personalities. But no one’s going to know about it anyway, about our long conversations, our dreams, and wishes, and secrets together. No one. They say that in the end, you’re alone in this world…but isn’t it enough to just have you? There’s so much more to you than you can even imagine. I know because I discover myself a little more each time I’m on my own. And if I were accompanied by anybody else all the time, that other side would’ve never showed up, and I would’ve never known about that amazing (ahem) side of mine.

And now, I cherish my own company, which somehow forms the elixir of my life.

You know there probably are people who are one and the same inside and out.

Rare.

Aye, rare. But there must be. Lucky them for having themselves as a whole all along.

But then, there’s no fun in bringing you out all the while!

Uh-huh…The less you reveal…

…the more they wonder!

*DinG DOnG*

Mom’s here? Already? Wow, time flies. I went up to open the door and felt the inner me slowly sink back in.

“Did someone come?”

“No ma, no one.” Except for my other side.

“Oh good, you folded all the clothes!”

I grinned. That’s how you satisfy mom when you’re not studying, no questions raised about that. And now, my mood to study had returned, and I was back at my table to resume where I left off.

 I guess that euphoria with the hidden side surfaces mostly because of being suppressed for long. It’s good though, for I sure wouldn’t want to spend my every day in wonderland.That would be a life with no purpose. No. It is enchanting only when once in a blue moon.
So until the next time we meet, dear me, let’s get busy with life!

The Road Taken

I could sense the old man halt as I overtook him. He looked like one of those tramps you see in the roadsides who talk to themselves. You don't see a lot of people on foot along this road, and his being there was outlandish. Nevertheless, I walked on without a second glance, for my legs were not used to any halts during my walks... my walks along that road. The Road.

The sun beamed down at me, radiating just about the right warmth. The wayside shrubs swayed in the breeze, the aroma perfecting the evening. Of course, it was the road, how could it not be perfect? Every now and then, a car or two whizzed past, leaving my loose strands of hair flying. A flash of memory ... "Careful, don't get blown off in the wind." he'd say, and move to the vehicle-side of the road in a protective gesture. I'd grin and reply, "Careful, don't let the vehicles get blown off!"  

I was smiling. It was the road. It always brought smiles.

It started off three years ago, my truce with this road, long and lonely, winding and windy. I wasn't alone back then. A time of jubilance to make for home with friends, to walk along together, slow with our own time, instead of the school buses that took us straight home. A time when the exhaustion from the walk was exhilarating and worth it, even when the school bus could've dropped us off unwearied and unscathed, even when other ways could get us home earlier, or perhaps shadier. A time we hadn't realized the real length of the road, too busy wasting away our laughs.

They asked me why I went that way. I had one excuse after another...'cause how could I explain to them those magical moments of companionship? And when I ran out of reasons, I told them I liked to walk. And so, the walks continued. I walked and walked...till I fell in love with it, like I told them that I did. 

And today I walk alone, with that old tramp behind me being the only other presence. And yet they ask me, why? Why still that too long a road? And I found myself asking the same. With all those little lies I made to steal a few laughs, to have golden moments, the true reason was forgotten in the end. And all I knew was that somehow, I'd made a truce with the road. Because with time as my company varied, for me the road was the same. And now it showers upon me my past, and plants a smile as I journey through it.

Did I perhaps still have that hope? Of reviving those unforgotten days? Dubious as I am, I know better...better than to linger with what was and is no more. As I walked once again today, I knew it wasn't for the unforgotten. I was irrationally in love with the road, that in some bizarre way felt homely, and in some enchanting way was divine.

It seems longer now than it ever was, and yet I find myself journey through it. And every now and then I laugh to myself, with sudden recollections of our walks in old times. Every now and then I happily hum in my head, when the road brings sudden jolts of exultation. Every now and then I am reminded of my woes, and the quiet of the road helps me brood, uninterrupted and free. There just couldn't be a better place for an introvert, no better way to escape from what everyone claims to be a necessarily busy and difficult life. 

As much as we wish to move on, there is always the tiniest little part of us that clings to the past, and if let loose could overpower our present and make us escape reality. But as long as I only let the essence of the deeply etched memories touch me and not  revert the past itself, it is but a reason to smile today. And no smile can ever go into nothingness.

No matter how different life may turn out to be tomorrow, I know that the road will fondly welcome my return, my memories awaiting to be embraced. Like Dr Seuss said, I've decided to not cry because it's over, but instead smile because it happened. :)

When Future Calls

There we sat, in the well-lit, air-conditioned 'multipurpose' hall, scanning the row of grown-ups seated along the sides. Having nothing else to do, we commenced our murmured comments and giggles over their outfits. They must've been in their late thirties, and they made a good enough first impression; there was this probably-beauty-conscious-straight-haired lady, the one in jeans and a funky top who looked too young to be among them, the one with bobbed hair and a Kiran Bedi face cut, the one who came with her little daughter and was pre-ocuppied trying to keep her steady, and then there were the men...all in their formal shirts and pants, which didn't seem quite as interesting (sadly).

We were busy picking out our favourites when the Kiran Bedi look-alike approached us. "Hey guys, so what are you expecting from us?" Funny she should ask that, since we hadn't any clue about who they were until we'd entered the hall. We were held captive in our classrooms for months at end, exhausted by textbooks and question papers, and at this time, whenever a certain somebody visited school we had our fingers crossed for a 'seminar' from the visitor…anything for a break from regular classes! And at such a time, when a dozen or more people arrive at once to talk with us, you can imagine our euphoria! So when they asked us about our expectations, honestly, we had none. Even if it was going  to be a lame lecture, it would still be worth the time away from the frustrating heap of school books. We were cool with whatever we could get.

But this was no lame lecture, or any one of those serious personality development or career guidance seminars we had in the past. This was some crazy group of adults acting like kids- grinning, waving, and expecting us to tell them what we expected from them. This was a group who could relate with us, who could see a lot of themselves in us. This was us twenty years from now.

Yes, they were the 'products' of our own school, now scattered and leading their own independent lives. And thankfully enough, they weren't a mere bunch of toppers here to tell us about their success. They were a mixture of all the categories that a classroom consisted- the average, the idle, the dreamers, the toppers, and the backbenchers alike, all here to tell us about their success.

We waited for them to speak, and discovered that they'd come with only as much preparation we did...close to none. There, we already had something in common! So, what followed was a spur of the moment thing, when Miss Kiran Bedi look-alike took over the mike and started introducing her old mates, with bits and pieces of nostalgia. And who would've imagined her to turn out to be a freaky styled cool dude! That crooked smile on her face when she teased her fellow batch mates, and the gesticulations arising from them in response!

One by one they interrupted every pause, filling in with their own experiences, with their timely advices and more importantly, assurances. There wasn't anybody who needed it more than we did! Three months to go and we're going to be christened the same as them - 'Alumni'. There is this dubiousness that never leaves the back of our minds...will we be able to make it? Will we reach where we're meant to be? Oh well, where were we meant to be ?

They told us about how vast a world it is out there, and how this stage of our lives seems petty. But the truth is that whatever's ahead of us is moulded by this very stage. They told us to broaden our horizon, to not sit and whine when one door closes, because that is when many other doors open. We need only just look around, and this they knew from experience.

However stupid our decisions may be today, it has to be made. Because  making mistakes now and understanding them is the beginning of growth, and this is what essentially shapes our future. So for now, all we need to worry about is to take care not to halt. Begin the journey, and the rest will be taken care of.

For once, after a very long time, relief swept over us. In their presence, we were floating in bliss. We watched them as they continued to cackle and pull each other's legs. Were they always this kind of happy-go-lucky, fun people? Or was it just a result of a ride back to school memories? I'd like to believe that this is what life would make us eventually, especially for the 'products' of our own school!

Time was up, and our dear super-seniors rose to bid us goodbye. Coming over to where we sat on the floor, they began talking to us all at once. They were like those parents giving last minute instructions to their children leaving for a long journey. The situation here was more or less the same. And we sat there nodding away like obedient kids.

And here we are now, nearing the close...or perhaps the beginning. It's 2016, a special year to us, which it must be to every one of you too in plenty of other ways. In no time we're going to break open our cocoons, and get our wings ready for flight. Before the takeoff, here's a big thank you to our alumni for that special day back in 2015, for being such an amazing inspiration. And here's another one to our school for all that we've become because of it.
Like each one of them did, we're going to script a success story of our own too. And ten years from today, we shall be back to #SpreadTheVibe ! That is our promise.

   http://www.youthkiawaaz.com

A Pensive Evening

   My head is a mess... frustration, anger, annoyance, exhaustion and god knows what more is muddled up in there. I can literally feel the congestion. I walk around advising people to take everything lightly, and here I am having a fix with a confused mind. It doesn't make sense. What, you ask? My existence, perhaps. I wish to start anew. I want to figure out this so called 'purpose' of life and work on it to death. We all do, don't we? 

  As a kid, we all have dreams, ones that we are crazy about, ones that we are determined to accomplish. As we grow up, realization dawns that life isn't as easy as it seems, so the intensity of the aspirations fall. Further on, when the time is short, and the path too long, we tend to drop the dreams altogether. But there are some who hold on to it, who keep their hopes up high, and keep trying. But then, a failed first attempt, criticism from the dearest, mirages of pleasures interrupting the way, and there it's lost. All that you've done to achieve so much goes in vain. We give up just when we're only a mile away from the summit. If only we'd work a little bit more, just a bit more.

You think you're never alone, that your awesome little group of friends from school would always be there for you. Yes, friends matter a lot. They are on top of everything else in life, because they make it worth living. But there will come a time when we realize that no matter how close a friend you may have, you are still on your own. No one in the world can show you the path of your life, for they are busy searching for their own. You can't always expect to find a mentor. Whether you do get one or not is not of importance. Because in the end, you are on your own. Get a hold on yourself, and go! Don't stop, just go. The thing is, we've been ready to have a go since ages, its just that we haven't got a clue on how to begin. Where to start, what to do?!

Here's a vision ten years from now. 26 year old me walking down a lane with my pet robot (Mind you, things are going uphill with the robot population- read Robonomics) . They are trying to build a computer with artificial intelligence. Why are we trying to make replicas of ourselves? Aren't there enough of us on earth already? It's funny how Earth is suffering from the issue of overpopulation, and here scientists try to create more life. They try to put life into inanimate objects. I don't know how to call it, a mission to make humans as accurate and emotionless as machines, or to make machines as bad as humans. What then would differentiate machines from humans? What then would be the meaning of our existence?

 Talk about deteriorating the balance of nature, we've done that already. The decrease in greenery is directly proportional to the increase in batteries. We're always going to have problems. Gap between the rich and the poor, an increase of intolerance, mother nature breaking down. We cannot tackle them all, admit it. We talk of nothing being impossible, we talk of the strength in unity, great speeches and projects, summits and discussions, for decades or more. Considering all the joint effort of the good minded people, there definitely has been a change, a gradual one. But at the same time, a great chunk of the better side has been chopped off too. Their innovations are supreme, their ideas brilliant. But again, not quite enough to solve the whole problem at hand. Is it?

Man has made the world the way it is today. We have visions of the same world 50 years from now. Machinery inventions keep accelerating, giving us great comfort to sit back in our settee and relax. Would you still say that the balance of nature is further deteriorated? Why don't we see it in a different way? What if the balance does not get disrupted, and it only changes the rate of balance? 

Nature shall set herself right if need be. We humans have the power to make the best of the resources at hand. But we also have the power to destroy it all. The both of them are in form today. The good and the bad are in a balance. It is not possible to change that balance. At times maybe the bad may exceed the good, but it would be only transient. In the same way, the good may overpower the bad at times. But that too shall be temporary. It is an endless battle between Yin and Yang. The moment the good stops the better-fication of the world, or the moment the bad stops to worsen it, the balance is broken. Such a situation, so to speak, doesn't exist, and it never will. 

Such is the cycle of time. Right now, when I come to think of it, my frustrations and silly concerns seem mundane. It will get better. And then it will get worse, and later better again. A circle has no beginning nor end. Neither does the universe and time. So what do we do in this short life span? 

Put on our seat belts. And simply enjoy the ride.

Maladu Days

A small packet was dropped before me. Rows of little powdered milk cubes were lined inside. Probably just another snack that dad brought. But why did it look so familiarly yummy already? Slowly, I picked out one of those little cubes and looked at it. "It's maladu." said mom, noticing my scrutiny. One small bite...and the cube melted in my tongue...that powdered milk giving life to all those taste buds as if they had been dead all along...and with the powdered milk, all that was around me melted away...

A sudden excitement crept into every inch of my body as I bounced off in full speed to my front door. I'd heard her hoot from downstairs...she was here again! Halting right in time before hitting the wall, I climbed up the grills of the nearby window to get a glimpse of her. Holding the cold iron bars tightly, I peered through the opening in the grills. Aah, there she was, at the bottom of our staircase, lowering her basket down  from her head.

"Mummieeeeee!! Maalaadooo maameee's heeeereee!!! " I screamed out. And then I looked back at dear maladoo maamy, with a kind of elation that only a four year old could have on seeing her favourite snack within reach. Maladus were so yummy, those round little balls of magic powder, perhaps the love of my life at the time. And each time it got finished at home, I would wait for maladu maamy, who would always come back with more. And here I was on top of the grills, bubbling with joy on having sighted her.

But where was my mother? Why wasn't she responding to my call? Suddenly I was afraid that mom wouldn't show up and maladu maamy would go away. I was afraid of missing out on this time's maladus. In desperation, I called out again, "Mummiieeeee!!"

Before I could get any more disappointed, I was surprised to see mom and my sister downstairs standing next to maladu maamy. How did they get outside? Oh wait, they'd gone to the market hadn't they? How could I forget?! Mummy was looking up at me with a smile. Had they heard me all the way from the market and rushed home? Probably, because I cannot imagine missing my maladus! Yes, they knew that they had to reach home ASAP.

Fast forward thirteen years, and I sat with another cube in my hand, eyes wide. Another flash of memory...I was looking straight at mom, and for the hundredth time or so she chanted, "Little Wilhelmine..looks with wonder waiting eyes."

All these years, and it was only today that I read the lines of the poem she'd recited so long ago, the Battle of Blenheim. I looked up at mom now, but she was engaged with something else. A sudden realization occurred at how much I'd grown up since then. 

Looking back at the maladu in my hand, which was no longer round-shaped like it used to be thirteen years ago, but still had that unmistakable taste of the ones maladu maamy used to bring, the flashback I experienced is similar to the Ratatouille movie when the food critic was presented with a childhood dish; ratatouille itself. The moment the dish touched his tongue, he was a child again, devouring the ratatouille his mother made for him, and he couldn't possibly be any happier.

Today I saw the truth in it. When I eat these maladus now, that same illogical elation engulfs me, as if the best thing that could happen in life is to be able to eat yet another maladu. When I come to think of it, its funny how easily happiness came to us as kids. Age sucks in the slightest of the joys we enjoy. But not unless we  choose otherwise. 

Sometimes the memories hidden in the deepest part of our minds resurface and remind us of the little reasons behind our childhood smiles, like this maladoo did to me. And now I know, that if ever I am in need of happiness, all I really need is a maladu, and I shall be a four year old again...happy as can be..with those wonder waiting eyes.

Are You Happy?

It is just another day when you're in the middle of your daily routine and someone asks you this question, "Are you happy?" What do you answer? Yes? That you couldn't be happier with everything? Or no? That god has spared you from happiness unlike the others?

Let's put this straight. Happiness is relative. If you ask me if I'm happy about the world I am in, I'd say yes considering all the things that make it a beautiful paradise. But I'd say no because I know the world is not even close to a paradise. When I know that there are helpless people out there with not a single penny or grain to live with, and people who live to ascertain their superiority by destructing what little good there is around them, for me to be happy would mean that I am a shameless, selfish jerk.
If you ask me if I'm happy with my life, I would say yes when compared to all the unfortunate sufferers. But I'd say no otherwise for there is so much more that I need to change about it. If I'm content already, then there would be no ups and downs of life. And if I were to be happy all the while, my life story would interest no one, not even me.

And about myself, I'd say I'm happy with what I am. Because I know why I'm the way I am. I understand why it is difficult to overcome my weaknesses, and why it takes so long to develop my strengths. For this very understanding, I like myself. And if liking can be related to happiness, there you go...a big load of happiness lives  within me.

But what is the point in happiness? It isn't the pinnacle of life. It is only a way of life. For many, life is a chase of happiness. But if you can understand wherein happiness lives, and how it can be gained (which many have), then would that mean you've found the key to life? Never. For if you understand happiness, then you shall realize that life is much more than the chase for it.
When you know this, then it wouldn't matter whether you are happy or not, for you will know that it is but a passing season of life like a monsoon that comes every year and goes, but is sure to come back again. You celebrate when it arrives, and whine  when it doesn't.

If all this makes any sense at all to you, then the question seems absurd. For if you say that you are not happy, then it means you are still chasing the wind that halts but occasionally.  And if you say that you are, then it means that you haven't quite understood what it means to be happy, because it doesn't stay. If you think it does, then you are in a world of your own, locked away from all others.  Because if the ones in your vicinity aren't happy, nor can you be. And how often do you find an ever-cheerful atmosphere? Even if you do, what meaning would life have, when the obstacles and struggles itself are what define life, and you have none of them?

So what would you answer to the question? It depends on your perception. Are you still the chaser, or the one in your own world? The truth is, this question seeks no answer. It only asks you to think for yourselves. And that you must. For when you chase the answer to this very question, you shall find yourself answering many other unanswered questions unknowingly. It is not eternal happiness you seek, but an understanding of it. 

Risk it. Or Regret it.

You told me one day about your dreams. All that you wished to do. All that you saw what life was capable of. I've heard many talk about it. But for them, it was just a wish. And yet, you spoke with an air of confidence, as if your life was a movie and you were just telling me what's going to happen next. Anyone else would say these dreams don't come true, for such is life. But for you, dreams seemed like the time table of your life that you had to tick off. 

Here's to that someone I know, whom I see with nothing but wonder, but whom I fail to understand. You have your own ways, and claim to have things in mind. But to me, it  seems blank. You're only crafting your plan on the way. Isn't that how life must be? You choose your next step. When you're there, you choose the next. For only then do you see what's in there, only then can you choose the better. 

We have these dreams right now, everyone has them at some point in their lives. But once the obstructions stream in, we stay put on the comfy zone. With time, we loose sight of the dreams. We know the  few ones who manage to stick to them, however impossible that it might seem. Yeah, they're those whom we call 'successful'. They chose to be different, while we prefer to move along with the tide, not wanting to be a rebel, not wanting to be unaccepted. 

Ah well, we are all more similar to each other than different. But the differences do exist, however small they might be. We all know them, and the most of us decide to keep them hidden. After all, it keeps things simple, why complicate it when you have the choice otherwise?

Even if you do decide to be different at some point, the feeling eventually vanishes. And now I come back to that someone I know, who has chosen to be different. Maybe everyone doesn't see it. But I do. Because like no one else did, you made me think about myself. And I began a whole new adventure of discovering myself. My third eye opened. Everything seemed way different from what it used to be. Something new was born within me. A thrill to live.

I'm reminded of the many times we roll our eyes when elders say its an 'age' thing...why, then it means as long as the thrill lives, you shall not age! Georgina Harwood of South Africa celebrated her 100th birthday with a sky-dive and shark-cage dive. 90 year old Ilse Telesmanich sprained her ankle hiking. And she says she got 'very good at hopping on one foot' because of the sprain.

No, I'm not saying we live to take part in adventure sports, and all the other small pleasures that we seek. We live to work for it, whatever our pleasures might be. And if you ask me what brings happiness in life. I wouldn't say success in career, not even the small dreams coming true. Happiness sets in only when you have true relationships. When you have that someone who would be there to listen to all your brilliant and stupid tales alike, that someone who's happy to see you live your dreams, or perhaps live it with you, then you have everything that one can possibly have in life. 

The rest of the world may tell you to stay in the good books and flow along with the stream. They may say it's best to be on the safe side. But I'm telling you, you'd miss out on the best experiences of life by doing so. You wanna live a life worth remembering? You risk it. Or regret it. 

That's what you've taught me. Unfathomably bizarre that you are, you have your self esteem. By being yourself, and not what others want you to be, I noticed what little I knew of myself. Like I said, I started to think. Believe me, life gets interesting. 

Our voice is meant to be heard, not hushed up. Life is meant for taking risks. Make the best of it when you still can! YOLO!

P.S-listen to Emeli Sande's 'Read All About it' song..you'll love it ;)

Enlightening Darkness

I woke up with a jolt. It was dark all around. Probably past midnight. Raining cats and dogs outside. Despite the chilly air, I was sweating. There was no current. A sudden flash of light engulfed the room. I waited. And it came...the loud crack of thunder. My cousin was squeezing my hand. Sleep had left me, and it showed no sign of returning any time soon. So I settled down as my eyes adjusted to the dark. As the occasional flashes showed me weird shadows through the window pane, my mind drifted off to the idea of ghosts.

They say people who believe in god are most likely to believe in ghosts as well. Well, why not? You've never seen god, you've no proof of it except for age old epics and could-be-coincidences in today's world. The same goes for ghosts, except that there are plenty who claim to have sighted them. Video clips and experiences reveal that there seem to be more chances of the existence of ghosts than of god. But then of course, we've been told that god exists within us, in our surroundings, in the universe, as light, as wind, as energy. The things that we couldn't understand ourselves, were christened god's creation. Who then, is this almighty, the so-called creator of life? Why not call nature itself as god, why not the forces in the universe that make our earth go round, that keep the stars in motion, that makes time exist?

For the rationalists and atheists, the very idea of god is a joke. They do not pray, because it makes no sense to them. There are many instances in life that prove to be unfair, many unjustified, which makes it more difficult to believe that god will heed our miseries. Isn't it easier to believe that god sustains life, rather than to save the lives of the petty and the rich alike? How else would it make sense?
When we can pray for the good of others, we could do the contrary as well right? Will both the sides be heard, or are the prayers selective up there? Today the freedom of speech contradicts with the people's right to beliefs. The ones who choose to express themselves despite being in the opposite side of the tide are attacked and treated with disgust. The battle in itself proves the littleness of our maturity.

 In a time where buildings get taller, roads wider, and screens bigger, if our minds too don't expand, then there shall definitely be no peace. Accept and respect, that is all peace ever needs. Accept that people are different, accept that they have different views. Respect their views and beliefs, respect them for sticking to it. By doing so, the gain is all yours, not anybody else's.

Maybe god exists. Maybe ghosts do too. Maybe neither do. Maybe all that we see is governed by a supreme power unknown to us. Maybe physics hasn't yet learned to define it. Maybe it has no definition at all. Maybe we could just stick to our own beliefs, and respect that.

My trail of thoughts got interrupted by a rush of cool wind. The ceiling fan was moving again, the current was back. Sleep had slowly crept in without my knowledge. Slowly, the patter of the raindrops, the beats of the thunder, and the soft howls of the wind served as a lullaby...and I dozed off.

Saturation Point

No matter how hard you try, how determined you are, there is always a saturation point when it comes to exam preps. Its funny how brilliant ideas creep into your mind right when you need your whole attention for studies. And then you make up your mind to work on your brilliant plan once the exams get over with. But when it really does get over, you are too much in a mood for celebration that you suffer from the age old ailment of procrastination. The celebration unexpectedly gets prolonged until you are assigned with another big project that puts you back on a busy schedule. And so, the ideas diminish there. Why is it that there is no saturation point for fun? We forever crave to have light moments, to fall back and laugh our hearts out. We prefer to have the hash-tag 'keep it simple silly!' rather than indulging in complicated affairs of this unpredictable chaotic life.

Realization dawns at the most unexpected instances, the vision seems all hazy and perplexing. Can talents slow down, or is it that their growth is stunted. Can it make you take steps backward? Or could it be a recoil for a giant leap? The more you think you understand your crazy self, the farther you are from reality. Hypocrites, that we all are. This saturation point that we're talking about, is one that increases with every passing experience, for it is only apt to measure our wisdom through experience rather than age. For now, endurance is must, and we must strive to get hold of it.

It's All About Balance!

Man has made the world the way it is today. We have visions of the same world 50 years from now. Machinery inventions keep accelerating, giving us great comfort to sit back in our settee and relax. Would you still say that the balance of nature is further deteriorated? Why don't we see it in a different way? What if the balance does not get disrupted, and it only changes the rate of balance? nature shall set herself right if need be. We humans have the power to make the best of the resources at hand. But we also have the power to destroy it all. The both of them are in form today. The good and the bad are in a balance. it is not possible to change that balance. At times maybe the bad may exceed the good, but it would be purely transient. In the same way, the good may overpower the bad at times. But we shall never cease to struggle. The moment the good stop the better-fication of the world, or the moment the bad stop to worsen the world, the balance gets broken. Such a situation, so to speak, doesn't exist, and it never will.

Life and Fantasy

They claim that life isn't like the movies or the novels. It doesn't always turn out to be a close shave, an endearing adventure, a fascinating story. But I believe otherwise. In fact, I feel that life can be exactly like one of those movies or books. Only that you must know to look at it in the right way. Perception decides your life; if it's a boring period of time where you work to survive, or an adventure with a challenge before you to overcome.

My mind and me

Our minds are a mystery. They are amazingly sharp and vivid at times, yet vague and confusing otherwise. My mind is the same. Right now, it is more of a mess. I write so I can make sense of my thoughts, so I can understand what it's trying to tell me. It's often tricky, and sometimes even hours of pondering gets me nowhere close to understanding. But the conversations with it, I always enjoy...that includes now. I'm presently undergoing teenage transiton, and I have all the worries that any normal teenager would have. My mind hardly prefers to settle down. Song lyrics, worries of future, curses, crushes, study tensions...any one of it constantly engages it. But the unsteady mind that people say we have at this age, is merely part of the fun!

And for now, I am just going to let it wander. And the wows that come along with my wandering mind, I shall express in here. :)