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We sat in two long rows, getting drenched in the humid auditorium decorated with pointless air-conditioners. Each of us was given a blank sheet of paper. You see, our professor liked to do something new every meeting. This time, the mission was to 'find ourselves'. Like always, we spent the first couple of minutes exchanging clueless glances and wishing we had skipped the meeting and attended the morning assembly instead.
"This is something each one of us needs to reflect on." he began, slowly pacing what little space was left before our seats. "Now, you may not complete this assignment in these twenty minutes of time. But I insist that you do complete it when you can." We listened keenly, although internally relieved for already having an extended deadline. It was so much easier to just listen to him speak.
"To know your own strengths and weaknesses is important. Not merely for the interview questions, but for yourselves." His eyes then scanned the front row and I sensed an impending question. They conveniently rested on me before he asked it. "Why don't you tell us one of your strengths, Dashy?" And to my surprise, I responded almost immediately.
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"Self-esteem, sir." Maybe all those self-reflections scribbled in my diary conjured up this answer in my head. Who knew?
"Excellent!" He beamed, like he did to any answer at all. But it made us feel a bit proud every time. He managed to give us the validation we badly needed in this highly competitive world. Perhaps it was all the easy praises coupled with good grades that gave me the confidence back then. Four years down the lane, I wouldn't give the same answer today. If anything, I've seen my self-esteem taking all the energy it could muster to not drown in the deep waters. But I do know that it hasn't died yet, and I wish to bring it back to life.
Writing is something very close to me. It has helped me understand myself, helped me heal, helped me grow, and feel magical. This blog has been my greatest treasure and yet I have abandoned it for a long time. In the meanwhile, I've let my inhibitions grow and take control, which in turn kept me away from the blog. The vicious circle continued until now. The fast-paced world we were busy catching up to has slowed down because of a virus. As the world fights against this new-found enemy, I take this time to return to my zone.
The April A to Z challenge was always impossible for me because of the clash with my exams. Well, honestly, it seemed impossible more so because of a month-long commitment. This time, however, I'm giving it a shot. While getting back into blogging, I'd also be getting back on my feet. This would be a personal journey for me. Because somewhere along the road, in want of validation, I'd stopped writing for myself.
This blogathon is an ode to myself.
So the theme for the challenge would be My Inhibitions. It'd be about figuring out how to face and make peace with each of them. Because I think, the biggest step in dealing with our inhibitions is acceptance. So I'm going to talk about them. And maybe with it, the things that help me keep going in spite of them.
Here's to a (hopefully) whole month of words and revelations!
Fingers crossed. :)
Also linking with Blogchatter's AtoZChallenge
This is a part of the April A to Z challenge under the theme of 'My Inhibitions' or 'An Ode to Myself'. Read the other posts here.
A for Awkwardness | B for Books | C for Connections | D for Decisions | E for Extempore | F for Failure | G for Gymming | H for Hurt | I for Individuality | J for Judgements | K for Knowledge | L for Left-Out | M for Mediocrity | N for Needful | O for Overthinking | P for Paunch | Q for Quitting | R for Remembering | S for Sensitivity | T for True-Self | U for Usefulness | V for Vexation | W for Writing | X for The Unknown | Y for YOLO | Z for Zone
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